Eight: Balance

Last night someone was stabbed on the street outside my house. The police were there much of the night, knocking on doors, looking for clues and taking reports,  I didn’t sleep. I hurt. I hurt for the pain that leads to such violence and the pain that comes from it. As the day broke my anxiety mounted.

I was reminded  to breathe, in and out, noticing the details in life’s complexity, a plum tree in bloom, a tulip budding, a squirrel teasing the dog.  I don’t pretend to understand what’s going on here or why things happen as they do but I can appreciate the simple generosity’s hidden in my day...conversations with caring friends, my sons warm hug, a shared meal, the sun rising on a new day. Life/death is a revolving door and I don’t know what, if anything, is on the other side. Admitting, “I do not know”, is infinitly wiser than wrestling with beliefs aimed at silencing the unknown with false certainty. There is sufficient gratitude to be had amidst life’s ordinary details. 

Suffering, violence and sadness are part of the human drama. I feel them. Perhaps I feel them too much. But ignoring the ever changing now in an attempt to avoid life’s pain and uncertainty is an awful waste of time. I’ve already wasted enough for one lifetime. Today I’m choosing something different. Will you join me?